A registered counselor discusses the egocentric nature of young children and how their words can be hurtful without malicious intent. The article explores the influence of the home environment, the signs of children being victims or perpetrators of emotional bullying, and effective strategies for parents to foster empathy and address the issue, including emotion coaching and collaboration with schools. It highlights the long-term impact of early negative experiences on a child's self-concept and social development, emphasizing the crucial role of parents in shaping children's communication skills.
Young children in kindergarten frequently utter words that may sound harsh or hurtful, without truly grasping the emotional impact behind their expressions. Registered counselor Nurfarahira Ahmad Yaccob explains that this is a common occurrence among kindergarteners as they are still in a cognitive development phase characterized by egocentrism.
At this stage, children tend to state what they see literally, without considering the sensitivities or dignity of others. They lack the ability to filter their words like adults, simply articulating what they perceive directly. This contrasts with adults who understand social norms and know how to adjust their language to avoid offending others.
The words spoken by children are heavily influenced by their home environment and the adults around them. Children are like sponges, absorbing not just words, but also the tone and emotions accompanying them. If they frequently hear harsh speech, gossip, or derogatory remarks at home, they will perceive this as normal communication.
Through observational learning and modeling, children learn by observing adult behavior, storing it in their memory, and then imitating it when the opportunity arises, especially if such behavior is not corrected or shows no negative consequences. Parents must also be sensitive to behavioral changes in their children, who may be victims or perpetrators of emotional bullying.
For children who are victims, early signs include sudden emotional shifts, such as becoming withdrawn after returning from school and frequently spacing out. They may also experience sleep disturbances like nightmares and begin to lose self-confidence. For children who might become perpetrators, observable signs include a tendency to use harsh language and bossy behavior. They also tend to show less guilt when others are hurt, in addition to demonstrating a high need for dominance and attention.
According to Adlerian psychology, this behavior can be linked to an attempt to gain a sense of superiority due to poorly managed inferiority complexes, which are then translated into powerful behavior towards others. Taunts or hurtful words at an early age can have a significant impact on a child's developing self-concept.
If they frequently experience negative interactions, they risk developing a critical inner voice about themselves. This can consequently undermine their confidence in trying new things and interacting with peers. In Erik Erikson's theory of development, children aged 3 to 6 are in the initiative versus guilt stage, where repeated negative experiences can lead them to be more prone to guilt and become passive in social interactions.
To curb this issue, Nurfarahira recommends that parents adopt an emotion coaching approach in educating their children to understand their own emotions and those of others. Steps include recognizing a child's emotions and viewing emotions as opportunities for education. Simultaneously, parents should listen with empathy, label emotions correctly, set boundaries, and seek solutions together.
This approach not only helps children understand their own feelings but also fosters empathy for others in all their actions and conversations. When parents detect early signs of emotional bullying, the first action to take is to remain calm and avoid hasty reactions. The primary step is to give the child space to share and validate their feelings before taking further action.
Afterward, parents should collaborate with the school to devise an appropriate intervention plan, including discussions with teachers and courteous meetings with relevant parties. Children learn from what they see, so how adults manage conflict becomes the greatest example in shaping their behavior.
The words that come from a child's mouth are not mere empty utterances but reflections of the world they see and hear daily. Therefore, the responsibility of fostering empathetic language lies not solely with schools but begins at home, the first place children learn the meaning of communication, affection, and mutual respect.
Emotional Bullying Child Development Parenting Empathy Kindergarten
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