When we live other people’s values, we live other people’s lives. & we wonder why we’re unhappy. This is especially true for adults with ADHD. We know what we should do, but after years of being told that our way is the wrong way, we don’t trust ourselves.
I grappled with this question for decades as an adult with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder . I read self-help books, took personality tests, hired career counselors and a life coach, but I couldn’t connect the dots. Though I am ambitious and driven , I was secretly terrified that I wouldn’t live up to my potential. I’d create a plan and get distracted by something brighter and shinier.
Rachel was raised in a family that rejected science, but when she started examining her values, Rachel realized she loved science. She remembered how good it had felt to look up at the stars for hours. This clarity gave her the confidence to go back to college to study astronomy and stop making decisions based on her parents’ values.
Carol was raised to value security. Her parents preached caution, citing her uncle’s failed business as proof. She discovered that caution was not one of her values and became an entrepreneur anyway, using her strengths — creativity, humor, love of learning — in her business. Living her values sparked positive feelings, which further motivated her ADHD brain.
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