Some people don't like others because they don't feel safe around them, often due to unresolved trauma from their past. Here's how they can begin to heal and form genuine connections, writes DrMarisaGFranco
experiencing less joy in interactions. When we feel rejected, we self-protect—withdrawing, getting aggressive, acting critically, disliking—ultimately making us cynical toward others.traumaPast trauma leads us to scan for current threats that crudely mimic it. A frown, a perceived slight, or even a tone can poke at this trauma, leading us to react as if the original wound had reoccurred.
Rick Hanson, a psychologist who studies neuroplasticity, created the H.E.A.L. model to help people rewire their brains to feel safer and happier. It involves, essentially, attending to and savoring moments of safety that our threat-saturated brain would typically ignore. Hanson argues that, or, in other words, the more we scan for safety, the more our brain will do so automatically.
To practice H.E.A.L., intentionally attend to what’s safe. Don’t let good moments pass by without focusing on them. Here are the first three steps of H.E.A.L. .Signals of safety don’t have to be substantial, like someone driving you to the hospital after you broke your arm. They can be tiny—someone smiled at you, held the door, validated your feelings, flashed you kind eyes, texted you to check in, congratulated you, or even liked your social media post. Notice these experiences.
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