Sometimes, your salve becomes your kryptonite.
At the flour-dusted kitchen counter, Ñaña hands us each a smooth ball of tortilla masa. The rest are stacked in a mixing bowl, tucked beneath a frayed dish towel. A film of cling wrap seals the bowl itself, which Ñaña pushes to the corner where it will wait for two hours until the masa is ready to be rolled.
By the time I was born, Ñaña was 71 and a widow, and had been robbed twice, once dragged down the street by the purse strap she refused to relinquish. When my parents asked her to move in with us, she resisted, not wanting to be a burden or charity case. Eventually, though, she agreed. She became the anchor of our home, its fiercely pulsing heart.
Ñaña made fresh tortillas once or twice a week, but definitely on Sunday mornings. Sunday mornings were for chorizo con frijoles—“Quelos frijolitos!” she would trill—each of us traipsing into the kitchen at the smell. She always made a special giant tortilla for my dad, and he always reacted with exuberant delight, as if it were a great surprise. We kissed her before ducking away to eat our tacos in bed, that weekend luxury.
The cut of disbelief was raw and throbbing. My husband, Adrian, knew what I needed: bean and cheese tacos from a local taquería. In bed, I unwrapped one foil package after another, waiting for the cozy sense of well-being I’d always felt on Sunday mornings. I expected the diet to be physically challenging—an apple alone has 20 grams of carbs—but I didn’t count on the grief that accompanied it. Being unable to eat the food I loved disconnected me from my culture, my childhood, in a way that was just as jarring as my infertility. I felt cut off from both my past and future, living in some stranger’s joyless present.
“What’s the point?” My voice broke as I gestured to the pink curls of meat, the soulless greens doused in ranch dressing. What I wanted was a bean and cheese taco, in atortilla. I wanted Nanny to sit on the edge of my bed the way she had when I was sick as a child. I wanted to ask her why she’d never had children, whether losing that version of her future had hurt, and whether loving us had helped and had it been enough?I was pregnant.
Malaysia Latest News, Malaysia Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
These Vegan Tacos Are More Than a TrendFor a growing group of Chicana cooks, eating meat-free is about reclaiming their roots.
Read more »
Danny Trejo’s Been in Approximately 300 Movies, but Have You Tried His Tacos?You probably know him as Machete, or the uncle in Spy Kids, or that guy who gets his head stuck onto a tortoise in Breaking Bad—but it’s tacos that taught this actor turned entrepreneur some of his most important life lessons.
Read more »
Roy Choi’s Korean Tacos Are My American DreamFor actor and comedian MargaretCho, fusion is the finest form of flattery.
Read more »
What Price Can You Put on a Taco Truck Taco?.francis_lam goes to his favorite New York City taco truck for the perfectly seasoned lengua tacos, but stays for the community.
Read more »
Salsa de Árbol RecipeAn easy, chile-spiked tomato salsa for all your taco needs.
Read more »
Charlize Theron Wore This Controversial Shoe on the Red CarpetCharlize Theron just made these super-comfortable shoes red carpet-worthy.
Read more »