This news piece delves into the changing attitudes towards marriage and parenthood in Malaysia, exploring the reasons behind the declining marriage rates and contrasting viewpoints of young Malaysians on these traditional milestones.
FEWER Malaysians are tying the knot, continuing a trend in recent years. Figures from the Statistics Department show that the number of marriages has gradually declined from 207,882 in 2016 to 188,100 in 2023, according to a report by The Star on Dec 13, 2024. Here, four participants of the BRATs Young Journalist Programme, run by The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) team, share their thoughts on marriage and parenthood. For updates on the BRATs programme, visit.
As a child enticed by fairy tales, I dreamt of being swept away by Prince Charming and living happily ever after. But those fantasies shattered early. Growing up in a broken family, I quickly learnt that life was far from a storybook. In my house, the sound of shouting was as familiar as the ticking of a clock. I knew, even as a child, that my mother stayed for my sake. That knowledge was suffocating – I felt like both the cause of her suffering and an unwilling witness to it.Marriage, to me, became synonymous with a miserable cage, and parenthood a heavy chain that prohibited one from breaking out. Any conversations about the idea of a loving family gave me the ick. Determined to escape that fate, I vowed to carve out a different path, clinging to the idea of independence as a lifeline. I imagined a life of financial freedom, a thriving career and no strings attached – no husband, no children, no compromises. For years, the promise of being a career-driven woman felt empowering. It gave me purpose and protected me from confronting my emotional wounds. University, however, brought unexpected shifts. While focused on academics and self-development, I couldn’t ignore the relationships blossoming around me. Friends fell in love, navigating the highs and lows of commitment. Slowly, I was drawn in, too. Crushes turned into “situationships”, prompting me to rethink my rigid stance on relationships. I met couples who broke the mould of what I thought marriage and parenthood were – parents who nurtured their children with love and partners who respected and uplifted each other. It opened my eyes to new possibilities. Through conversations and self-reflection, I realised that my aversion to marriage was rooted in fear – fear of repeating my parents’ mistakes. But that fear had transformed. Instead of running from the idea of family, I became motivated to create a different reality, one free from dysfunction. Today, while I still value personal growth and independence, my outlook has shifted. I see marriage not as a cage but as a partnership where both individuals can thrive. Parenthood, once a daunting concept, now feels like an opportunity to offer the kind of support and love I once longed for. My past shaped me, but it doesn’t define my future. Every step I take now – pursuing my career, building meaningful relationships and improving communication skills –reflects my commitment to creating a better future for myself and my future family. –“THE best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others,” said Mahatma Gandhi. This quote has inspired me to help others, whether by volunteering for stray animal adoption drives, donating blood, or offering support to the underprivileged community. However, I’ve come to realise that one of the most profound ways to serve others is by building a family of your own. For me, the idea of marriage and parenthood has grown from an abstract and unattainable concept to a deeply personal goal. As I transitioned into adulthood, I began to see how these roles not only contribute to self-fulfilment but also shape us into more responsible individuals. They teach patience, sacrifice and commitment – qualities that foster personal growth. Having witnessed how friends and family become more generous after marriage and parenthood, I now understand why these roles have been held in high regard across cultures and throughout history.However, I was not always so keen on starting a family of my own. As a child and teenager, I dreaded the immense responsibility these roles demanded and what would happen if I failed. What if I failed as a husband to provide for my family or as a parent whose children might suffer due to my mistakes? These questions lingered within me, making me anxious about committing to these traditional life goals. But with time, I’ve come to accept that life is a series of trade-offs. While it is true that raising a family involves sacrifices, its rewards – love, companionship and a sense of purpose – far outweigh the risks. Unfortunately, many of my peers don’t share this perspective. Conversations with friends often reveal a growing reluctance towards marriage and parenthood. The pursuit of pleasure and personal freedom frequently takes precedence, relegating these traditional milestones to afterthoughts or even nuisances
MARRIAGE PARENTHOOD TRADITIONAL VALUES SOCIETAL TRENDS YOUNG ADULTS MALAYSIA
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