Parenting advice on wedding rituals, religious strife, and caring for in-laws.
Dear Care and Feeding,
While it could be viewed as an antiquated tradition, all of my brothers-in-law took my parents out to a nice dinner to ask for their “blessing” to ask for my sisters’ hand in marriage. It is just a nice family tradition. No one really asked for permission and my sisters had all planned their engagements ahead of time. My parents welcomed my boyfriend with open arms, and we are planning to get married. He is trans and comes from a very disturbing fundamentalist background.
Let him know that while the custom means a lot to your family, he doesn’t actually “require” their permission to propose to you. Remind him that your parents have embraced him and assure him that they will be excited to know that he wants to marry you. If he is unable to bring himself around, you’ll just have to explain to your parents that your boyfriend rejects certain conventions and that he doesn’t believe in asking for a woman’s parents blessing before getting engaged.
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