Stalking can be an all-encompassing trauma, but our lack of understanding about it undermines victim-survivors
y husband and I had only been dating a few months when a stalker changed our lives. The moment remains crystalised in my mind. We’d spent the day with family and friends, and were encompassed by the sort of dopamine-fuelled joy new love brings. We were almost ready to call it a night when I heard a Facebook message request come through.
This was the beginning of a three-year ordeal, during which I would be subjected to endless messages via social media and text. If I blocked her account, she would make new ones. Sometimes in her own name, at other times, using fake names – but always ensuring I knew it was her.Sometimes, the contact was daily and intense; other times, weeks or even months would go by, allowing complacency to set in, before being blindsided by another attack.
And herein lies the problem. Society’s collective lack of understanding about what stalking is, and its overwhelmingly dismissive attitude towards it, undermine the intense mental upheaval that victim-survivors experience. My online identity was stolen, with messages sent in my name; my address was posted online, so too, the date and location of my impending wedding. She knew where I’d been. She knew where I lived. She claimed to have relocated to my suburb.
Further complicating the situation is the fact these attitudes are not limited to the general public, but are often held by law enforcement too, even victims themselves.
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