Knowing a loss is coming doesn't make it any easier.
, she says, and allow you to see your thoughts for what they are: fears, not reality.
For example, maybe you’re thinking, I’ll never be able to live without this person. By getting some space from that thought—say, via—you may be able to reframe it more objectively: I recognize I’m having fearful thoughts, which is totally normal, but right now my loved one is still here, and there will be a future where I’ll learn to be okay. It takes time, but the goal, she says, is to recognize that catastrophic all-or-nothing thinking isn’t based in the present.
However, Devine believes it would be more helpful to be open about death—especially when you’re dealing with it directly. “We miss out on connection when we don’t tell the truth about how we’re feeling, and trying to hold back those emotions can make grief even harder,” she says. You and your loved one know what’s to come, so ignoring that reality can make you both feel more isolated. On the flip side, being emotionally vulnerable with one another can help you both feel a little less alone.
If you don’t know where to start, Devine suggests just being honest: Admit that you don’t know what to say or how to navigate such a bleak conversation, and, depending on how close you are with the other person, you can also express that you’re afraid of what’s to come. “We create a lot of suffering when we hold back something that’s hurting us, so even just acknowledging that neither of you knows what to do in this situation can be comforting,” Devine says.
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