Children's developing brains and dependence on adults can make them especially vulnerable to gaslighting. Teaching them to recognize these red flags could help keep them safe.
Teach children to understand that simply by their age, inexperience, and dependence on adults, they are vulnerable, especially when the adult is in a position of trust and authority. They need to know that most adults are safe, but some are dangerous.“poisonous pedagogy.” Children should watch out for adults who use “You are X” statements, especially when they are put-downs disguised as ways to help the child: “You are stupid.” “You are irresponsible.” “You are lazy.” “You are fat.
Reality is not what an adult with power chooses. It is something that needs to be objectively measured. There needs to be fact-checking. Amelia’s coaches needed to supply a body mass index for teenage girls. If they wanted to tell her that, as an athlete, she would perform better with less body fat and more muscle, they needed to back that assessment with data. Just using a term like “fat” raises red flags of gaslighting because it is layered with moral overtones.
abuse tactics. Athletes are benched and publicly shamed for “not trying.” Really? Most athletes play their sport because it’s their passion, so when you hear these kinds of vague put-downs, it suggests gaslighting is at play.Watch out for adults who are two-faced—who act one way around other adults, such as parents, but change when they are alone with children. They might even mutter obscenities at children while smiling broadly for their adult audience.
Coaches who abuse—and, of course, this applies to teachers or parents as well—often have a two-faced way of behaving with children. They have chosen athletes or students whom they praise and make a show of caring about, which allows them to heighten the harmful gaslighting of their targets. Within a family, for example, oneGaslighting adults may use rhetorical questions to make a child doubt themselves.
It’s unfortunate that gaslighting has become so prominent that it was the 2022 word of the year. Let’s change that in 2023 and promote words like “skepticism,” “critical-thinking,” “fact-check,” “research,” “evidence-based,” “child advocacy,” “
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