A psychological technique my mom taught me when I was a teenager saved my marriage — here's how
, "Mirroring is simply a matter of carefully repeating back what was said for verification, and repeating the process until we get it right."
One evening, a minor dispute morphed into a full-fledged argument. The initial disagreement — which was unbelievably stupid — was blown out of proportion. An hour into our altercation, with no truce in sight, my mom's voice echoed in my head.Sitting on the couch opposite my husband, I explained how mirroring worked. Taking turns, each of us would speak in clear sentences, sharing our feelings.
We continued this back-and-forth rhythm until I felt sufficiently heard, at which point it became my husband's turn to share. To my surprise, he articulated his emotions with a depth of feeling that was uncharacteristic of him. "The whole point of mirroring is to listen to the other person, not to get your agenda across. If you want to get your agenda across, don't even do it," my mom said.
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