We can’t change the past, but we can learn how to accept, forgive, pivot, and change our responses to past mistakes or missed opportunities that spark massive ADHD regret and shame. Here’s how.
Regret is tough to pinpoint. It may feel like sadness, remorse, or disappointment. It may emerge following a missed professional opportunity, oversharing at a cocktail party or yelling at our child for spilling their orange juice. All humans feel regret, but people with ADHD may feel regret more often and more strongly due to struggles with impulse control, emotional regulation, and other executive functioning skills. We regret both the things we did — and the ones wish we had done.
We can all learn to regret choices, actions, or words without shame. It’s okay to feel sadness or disappointment in ourselves or others without summoning anger or blame. Being able to hold onto discomfort or guilt doesn’t mean we have to slide down the slippery slope of shame into self-loathing. Instead, address the regret and1. Radical Awareness— and name them.
First, you need to acknowledge what causes you to struggle and when it happens. This depends on metacognition – the ability for self-evaluation. What things trigger your regret? What happens in your body when you are triggered? Are there signals that you are activated? How do you respond? Answering these questions will help you understand how your regret works and its effect on your thinking and your feelings.
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