“Despite my mother’s salary and Ms. Magazine subscription and all the reasons she should have known better, she put up with him and stayed”
When I made the decision to walk away from my parents, I made the decision to be happy. Photo: Lambert/Getty Images This year for Father’s Day, my 9-year-old son and I will celebrate my husband with a backyard picnic of homemade pizza and chocolate ice cream at our house in Maine. But I won’t get together with my own dad, or call him, or even send a card. I haven’t spoken to my father, or anyone else in my family, for more than 17 years.
But we had a secret: my father’s temper. My brothers and I never knew when a regular day would take a dangerous turn. When my father turned mean, he lost control. He hit us and threw things. He cursed and called us names. I learned to fear his white V-neck undershirt and oldest paint-splattered jeans, the open can of beer, the smells of turpentine and grease as he worked around the house or under one of the family cars.
“My father hit me,” he said, as we drove. His declaration made me hold my breath. “He’d use his belt or sometimes plumbing pipe. Anything he could get his hands on.” Everything came to a head when I was 28. On a visit home, my father’s temper flared, and this time I stood up to him. We fought for hours, the three of us in the family room crying. That night they dropped me at a friend’s apartment in the city. On the sidewalk, I asked my parents for space. “Don’t call me,” I said, thinking I’d take a week or two off from them.
And then, unexpectedly, I started to feel better. Not having to constantly battle my parents meant that I was free to take a long look inward. Yes, my mother and father had done the laundry and signed the permission slips and praised my report card and given me a middle-class childhood. They’d sacrificed to send me to college. But along the way they’d managed to stain the first half of my life; to wound me. I resolved to not let them ruin the second half.
Was my choice extreme? Maybe, but I’m not alone in making it. There are no national statistics on family estrangement. Yet, since starting to speak openly about my experience, I’ve met many people with a similar story: the professor for whom coming out meant severing ties with his fundamentalist parents; the friend who escaped a childhood of sexual abuse; the neighbor who is barely on speaking terms with her extended family; even families torn apart by political differences.
Malaysia Latest News, Malaysia Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Why you should upgrade your mask as the Omicron variant spreadsAs the Omicron variant spreads, it's time to upgrade from your cloth face masks. Experts explain why medical-grade masks -- such as surgical/disposable masks and N95 and KN95 respirators -- are better options now and what people should do with the cloth masks they already have.
Read more »
Why Do People Share Family Secrets?Many families have secrets, and the price for revealing them is often high. Here's why some people decide to do it despite the risks.
Read more »
Rob Pelinka Explains Why Los Angeles Lakers Acquired Russell WestbrookThe real reason for the Los Angeles Lakers’ acquisition of Russell Westbrook has been revealed.
Read more »
Why do we love superheroes so much?We have always been captivated by superheroes and influenced by their stories. Did you ever think why? Here are the reasons
Read more »
CZ FAQ 5 - Why Binance Embraces Regulations | Binance BlogThis article is a part of the “CZ’s FAQs” series. “There are many misconceptions out there. I will first dispel a few.”-check CZ's opinions on
Read more »
Age-Gap Relationships Can Absolutely Be Healthy—So Why Do Many Meet Them With Scrutiny?Experts and folks in age-gap relationships themselves get real about certain long-held stereotypes.
Read more »