'The first time I had an abortion, I was a little sad. The second time, I am furious'
A teenage girl sits across from me, biting her nails and spitting out electric-blue polish. For a moment, her eyes fix on the curious little black journal on the waiting room coffee table. She looks back down at her nails; I pick up the journal.
I’m brought into a counsellor’s office and she asks me if I really want to have an abortion. I tell her yes, and she asks me to sign papers saying so. Afterwards, I’m taken to the medical area, where a nurse instructs me to put on a gown and get on a table. The gynecologist walks into the surgery room laughing with the anesthesiologist and introduces herself to me without looking me in the eye.
But every day, I wake up to my guts churning and pads full of blood. Every day, I down painkillers and muscle relaxers and pass an obscene amount of liver-like tissue. Every day, I cry and agonize about what’s happening to my body and try really hard to stop my failed Catholic brain from telling me this is the price I’m paying for what I did.
“I thought you were having the baby. I’m Catholic, so I personally don’t believe in abortions unless the case is extreme.”“No. I’m sure you’re fine. Give it time to heal. At least another week.”
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