Should we really learn the whole truth about our partner?
In light of the abundance of romantic candidates and initial scant and inaccurate information, a critical attitude is natural. However, we should distinguish between clearly unsuitable partners and the many remaining candidates. The first group involves those who lack any of the agent’s dealmaker traits and have all the deal-breaker traits. Their immediate dismissal is normal and reasonable.
Optimism is an affective attitude characterized by the belief that good things will happen. Optimism has both positive and negative consequences in the romantic realm. Beneficially, it may encourage constructive coping efforts within the relationship. Indeed, the partner’s optimism is associated with a better and longer-lasting relationship . However, optimism can also be a liability, since expecting the best may prevent individuals from taking proactive steps when confronted with difficulties.
There is no golden rule determining the optimal extent of self-disclosure and curiosity on a first date. Not revealing anything is problematic and sharing all details is worse. Open and sincere discussions are significant, though the question of timing is crucial. Sharing details of your exes on a first date through tiring stories is unadvisable.
In my recent article, “In Defense of Moderate Romantic Curiosity and Information Avoidance” , I suggest the restriction of central romantic virtues, such as curiosity and sensitivity, while revealing a limited amount of oft-called romantic vices, such as ignorance and indifference. This suggestion has significant implications for the nature of, given the restless nature of our romantic environment, which is populated with many romantic options.
One more tip: if your first date is in a restaurant, try sharing. Research has found that strangers assigned to eat similar foods become more trusting and cooperative .Baxter, A. et al. . Initial impressions of compatibility and mate value predict later dating and romantic interest.
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