Dear Care and Feeding: This guy is a complete narcissist and I can’t pretend otherwise.
I would suggest that you, your brother, and your spouses sit your mother down and stage an loving intervention. In doing so, you should mention all of the things that bother you about your mom’s partner and that none of you are willing to watch her sit on a ticking time bomb. In other words, there will be no family outings, dinners, vacations, or holiday plans going forward that involve him.
None of this means you’re going to cut off ties with your mom—you can still meet her for lunch and engage in video calls, etc. It just means that you’re not going to spend time with this man in the process. Your role in this isn’t to tell a grown woman how to live her life—that’s unlikely to work in most cases anyway. It’s to tell her what’s unacceptable inlife.
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