If the desire to change doesn’t outweigh our fear of leaving our comfort zone, we’re likely to stay put
Photo: Mayur Kakade/Getty Images Understandably, the idea of “New Year, new me” evokes a degree of skepticism, maybe even an eye roll. As we head into another year overshadowed by the pandemic, it’s difficult to think that anything will change at all, especially for the better. And look — perhaps it won’t. Perhaps things will get worse, globally, until everything explodes. But on a personal level, humans tend to rely on the illusion of time to make decisions and move forward.
I gave up on traditional resolutions a few years ago, knowing that they just put me in a self-flagellating, compulsive headspace. But as a goal-oriented control freak with witchy inclinations, I still engage in a lot of rituals at the end of the year, weighing up everything that’s passed and what I’d like to do more or less of in the New Year.
And setting a resolution without understanding why we engage in the behavior we want to alter is a recipe for chaos, says AlTai. “I believe most resolutions fail for two reasons: Either the deep desire for change isn’t there, or we don’t understand the why underneath the behavior we’re trying to evolve, so we’re actually focusing on something externally when we first need to look inward.” .
AlTai says she asks her clients to first figure out what they truly desire — if they want a raise, there’s likely a deeper want under that, like financial security or for their work to be valued. She then recommends that they journal, keeping the intention connected to a feeling rather than a specific outcome. “Once we’ve claimed the intention, we want to make sure our belief system is in support of it; otherwise, we will impede its coming to fruition,” she says.
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