The new housewives barely know each other and we’re already launching into a fight about weird cheese.
Did Bravo just, “New phone, who dis?” us? They just went straight in with no lube, didn’t they? No explanation about how this is a new show, why or how it happened, what happened to the old women … Wait. I would never call Sonja Tremont Morgan of the Wesson Oil Morgans an old woman. But we get no explanation of what happened to the [ahem] former cast.
Across town, we hear conflicting reports from Sai, Jessel, and Brynn, who are hanging out at Sai’s brownstone in Brooklyn. Sai comes out with a bottle of Veuve and says, “Champs for all.” Sorry, but Heather Dubrow has that expression trademarked. You are going to have to send her $50 in the mail. Thank you. They’re talking not just about the cheese incident and the “charcoochie board,” as Sai brilliantly calls it, but a restaurant mix-up from another hang.
Don’t worry, we’ll revisit this fight a little bit later, but first, we get a home scene with Erin where she has her whole Israeli family over for dinner. Erin is the type of person who has no idea that the things she says are going to come across badly, or, in fact, how they might come across at all. This makes for a horrible friend but an excellent Housewife.
Erin says she doesn’t know what to make of Jenna because she’s so odd. Okay, what’s so odd about her, Erin? “She hates dill, but sheparsley. She likes olives, but not the black ones,” she says. Um, that just makes her a picky eater and also correct because black olives are garbage. I swear to God they are made with smegma and compressed dumpster juice pressed into spherical shapes. So just go on being wrong yet again, Erin. It seems like that is what you do best.
Brynn arrives and she’s scared about confronting Erin because she says Erin takes everything personally. Yeah, we could tell. We can tell just by looking at Erin’s highlights that she takes everything personally. Luckily Jenna first makes them play a game where they all talk about sex. Brynn is talking about her ideal porn and it’s about a massage that goes too far.
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