The Onion: Do you feel that you’re qualified to be a member of Congress? Cawthorn: Wow, no one’s ever asked me that before. But when I think about it, I can confidently and unequivocally say absolutely not.
I wait for Matt Gaetz to use the restroom, then I place my ear against a cup pressed to the stall door. He always yells, “Who goes there?” and I remain completely silent.
Then he looks under the stall and sees me, and asks me if I saw the weirdo who was listening to him use the restroom. I say, “Yeah, he went that-a-way!” and point to another stall. Then he runs into that stall, and I place my ear against a cup pressed to that door, and the news cycle begins again.
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