How bereavement doulas help women heal after stillbirth.
lasts between eight and 12 weeks and covers everything from fertility to the physiology of birth to postpartum support and grief. Faith said that first and foremost, bereavement doulas are there to shatter the misconception that miscarriage and stillbirth are just something to get over.“Birth and bereavement doulas are important during stillbirth and miscarriage because stillbirth and miscarriage are birth,” Faith says. “That alone is [an] intrinsically validating truth.
“She had the foresight to know that making memories was so very important because memories would be all we’d have of ‘baby sister,’” Soika says of Ore. “She laughed and cried with my family. She listened and planned with my family. She was one of the miracles we witnessed during this trying time.”On April 14, 2017, Soika and her husband learned Clara had died in utero. Soika gave birth to her five days later. Ore was there to support her.
“I just wanted to be a mom,” Jacobs tells Refinery29. “I was so happy.” Her mom had planned a surprise baby shower for her in January 2018, but a week before, she felt something was wrong. “The nurse opened the door and brought out Brianna in this beautiful white basket. They had dressed her up in a beautiful gown,” Jacobs remembers. They offered to take photos, but at first, she was afraid of what she might look like.“She was so beautiful, she was so, so beautiful and the nurse took her out of the basket and then gave her to me,” Jacobs says. “She was so beautiful, just like an angel. And it was so, so painful.
By August, she was 21 weeks pregnant. Jacobs said she had a routine appointment with her OB-GYN, and then the couple went out to dinner. When they got home, Jacobs said she felt pain in her groin. They decided to play it safe and go straight to the hospital, where a nurse checked her cervix and told her she was four centimeters dilated and about to give birth to Hope. Jacobs recalls saying, “No, she’s too early. That’s too early. And they said, ‘There’s nothing we can do.
“A mother is a mother, even if that baby does not come home alive,” Kripke explains. “In stillbirth and miscarriage, there’s no live baby to show for that mother’s identity as a mother. So when you have a birth doula whose job it is to bring a baby from the inside to the outside and essentially help that woman integrate into her moments of meeting her baby and being a mother, that’s a profoundly important transition.
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