The Best Fake Tears $17 Can Buy

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The Best Fake Tears $17 Can Buy
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“Sometimes you get a script that wants you weeping over literal spilled milk, and it just doesn’t seem fair to conjure up my inner child when I’m crying about how I won’t have enough Organic Valley for the cake I’m baking,' writes ANNIE_HAM

Photo: John Hein In 2017, I was living in a beige apartment complex in West Hollywood. Somebody named Michael Moore — but not that Michael Moore — was always leaving mail on the floor from Donald Trump. It was my second year trying to get work as an actress. I had a handful of short films under my belt and zero Getty Images.

I knew I wasn’t one of the best actors, as I had never been on a movie set, so I wondered if maybe a tear stick was made for people like me. I went on Amazon and ordered the most expensive one: a Kryolan in a silver tube. I figured if it was 17 dollars, it must be for the best of the bad actors. But it’s also great for when you need or want to cry and know you have the feelings but are scared the actual tears won’t come. It’s great for parties when no one’s paying attention to you. Sometimes I slick a little on for therapy so my shrink can see how hard things have been lately. I think a tear stick would also be appropriate for a breakup, especially if you are the breaker-upper and you’re scared you won’t be able to show your partner how much you used to care.

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