Things got really messed up after I filed for divorce from my ex-husband, but it was also one of the happiest times of my life.
"I wasn't happy." A lot of people say that when going through a divorce, and just as many smug married people judge those who dare to proclaim it as the cause of their marital split. I can say that because I used to be one of those
, sitting on my high horse of matrimony like I had it all figured out. Then, after nearly 11 years of being married to someone who truly never loved me back, I filed forMy relationship with my ex-husband drained everything out of me. In hindsight, we had a verythat placed the burden of maintaining a happy home squarely on my shoulders. If things weren't going well at home, I was told by religious counselors to pray more for my husband.
I tried everything I could to hold my marriage and family together, and I became more and more miserable in the process. It was like beating my head against a brick wall, no matter how many times I begged him to walk with me, talk with me, or justwith me. It was a one-sided relationship, and I started wishing I was dead just so I could escape.Therapy helped me realize happiness isn't a sin -- it's essential to a life well-lived.
It took six months of weekly therapy to finally understand that I'm allowed to be happy. Or, more accurately, that I'm allowed to pursue happiness. It's even right there in the Declaration of Independence! And after more than a decade with my ex, I knew I didn't have any more time or energy to pour into the futile pursuit of a happy life with him. He was who he was, and nothing I could do was ever going to change that. I could only change myself.
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