What happened to asking for food using food words from the list of available foods with which we have been presented?
Los Angeles, in my opinion, is the worst offender in the whimsical-ordering scourge ravishing this country. As a New Yorker, I often don’t know how to be when I leave New York, but I particularly don’t know how to be when I’m in L.A. I was introduced to Cafe Gratitude by a friend during a work trip in which I realized I hadn’t eaten a vegetable in three days. I wanted to eat leafy things and cheap avocados somewhere sunny.
If you’ve never heard of this stupid and delicious restaurant, it’s such a strangely culty L.A. experience that when you Google “Is Cafe Gratitude…” one of the first phrases that populates is “owned by Jason Mraz?” Nothing on the menu is named anything remotely related to food. All items are instead named by various “I am” statements. For instance, you may want to order an asparagus and tomato salad, a curried lentil and vegetable bowl, and a raw vegan tiramisu.
“Please don’t make me do this,” I said to my L.A. dining companion. “What if I order normally, and I can just tell the waitress what I want to eat?” My friend has known me for a long time, we’ve eaten together at Waffle House, she has seen me dig my heels in and ruin a meal, so she was rightfully nervous that I was going to embarrass her when our waitress returned.
So, I sucked it up and dutifully uttered some humiliating shit to the server like, “I am loyal,” and she brought me out a bowl of vegetables.
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