''Emily! Sit still, pay attention! Did you take your meds this morning?' I hadn’t realized that I wasn’t sitting still. I didn’t feel like I was misbehaving – all I felt was shame.' That is the experience for many children with ADHD. How to change this.
I remember sitting in my third-grade classroom, dancing to a song I was singing in my head, when the teacher turned around and said, “Emily! Sit still, pay attention! Did you take your meds this morning?” I hadn’t realized that I wasn’t sitting still. I didn’t feel like I was misbehaving – all I felt was shame. Looking back on those days, I don’t believe that my fidgeting was impeding my ability to learn; it helped me focus.
I was lucky to have people in my life who championed my unique ways of learning, and, over time, I learned how to mitigate some of myand harness others as superpowers. In graduate school, I completed my doctoral dissertation on ADHD and success without the use of medication. The interviews I conducted with adults who had achieved financial and occupational success, despite their ADHD, were brimming with ADHD “hacks” and inspiring tales of resilience.
One theme, though, that wove its way through almost everyone’s experience: shame. My interviewees recounted stories of exasperated teachers and exhausted parents and psychiatrists who pushed meds within five minutes of meeting them, and the feelings of confusion and indignity that resulted. After two years of research and writing, my primary conclusion was this: the stigmas that those with ADHD face for not fitting into the traditional system can be more harmful than the ADHD itself. Being supported and empowered to figure out one’s own way is more predictive of success than the elimination of symptoms.need medication to function in their environment. Yes, some children’s symptoms are problematic and hinder their ability to learn.
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