Perspective: My son isn’t grieving his grandfather. Should I be worried?
By Meghan Leahy Meghan Leahy Email Bio Follow April 10 Q: My father-in-law died unexpectedly of a heart attack a couple of weeks ago, and he lived next door to us. He and my 6-year-old son were very close. They saw each other almost every day and had a special bond. But my son has barely reacted to his grandpa's death. He went to the funeral and acted like it was a trip to the grocery store.
My children all dealt with his death differently. Each was in a different developmental place with the permanence of death. Each child had a different temperament and a unique relationship with their grandfather. And despite me being an “expert,” I didn’t know what to expect, so I carried on with honesty and transparency. We all attended the funeral and life went on, but we spoke frequently of Deda and told all the funny and touching stories.
You ask me if you should be worried that your son isn’t visibly grieving, or if you should help him express his grief, but I don’t think you need to concentrate on him. Instead of focusing on how your son should be reacting to his loss, let’s refocus on how the adults in your family are processing this loss. You see, an oft-repeated phrase at PEP, the Parental Encouragement Program, is: “Children are poor interpreters yet keen observers.
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