Carolyn Hax: Spouses’ “project” means one yells, one tiptoes around
Most recently I asked my spouse to be sure to say what they mean, then got yelled at because they said what they meant.
It’s beginning to lead to my feeling of always being wrong with no right choices, which feels like having to walk on tiptoes on shattered glass and/or immediately apologize for giving the wrong answer or making an error. It’s a feeling my spouse says they see on me and is not a good look and something I should work on. If I say okay, then I’m told I’m just not listening and brushing the comment off.That’s what’s going on. You’re seeing all the elements of it, but not the whole of what it means.
Then not budging even if your spouse yells at you for leaving. Not one nanometer. Don’t engage with yellers, not even a spouse. If they follow you to keep yelling, then leave the house. Because it is abuse and it is not okay. Stand up for yourself. And do not stay in a relationship with someone who continues to yell at you after you've named the problem.
So that you’re not taking my word for it, and to manage this safely, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE or
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