Carolyn Hax: Parents keep pushing 'better school district' for grandkids
Even with the stakes as high as they are.Whenever your mother invites you to give your opinion or advice, then please do, of course — as forcefully as you can while remaining composed: “Mom. Stop. The kids need you and your love and support more than they need the ‘right’ school. And you put that at risk when you keep antagonizing Sister with your disrespect for her choices. They have every right to use your gift as they see fit.
“How can I help?”: When invited to, you can counsel respect for your sister’s and brother-in-law’s autonomy. You can also, appropriately, caution your mom about the economic third rail here that she seems oblivious to.
But what is specifically true here is secondary; for this to spiral into estrangement, your brother-in-law need only to perceive your mother as throwing her entitled weight around. A loving bystander who presumes to alert her to this, even unsolicited — just once, as always — wouldn’t be out of line.
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