Perspective: A parent struggles to be supportive during an adult daughter's negative phone calls, and manage the anxiety they leave behind.
She has dealt with depression and has always had trouble with change, so this might be part of that, but these calls are super-hard on me. The pandemic has driven her crazy, and she talks about how she has been hurt with it. She doesn’t understand that we feel the same way, and so does everyone else in the universe.I had to walk away from the phone last night because she was causing me so much anxiety.
If merely identifying your role in this transaction isn’t enough to ease your anxiety, then you can take more deliberate steps to set these burdens down. First, at a time you know she’s not in a funk, ask your daughter for clear instructions. As in: “I know you call us to offload stress, and I’m glad you trust us. I’m not always sure, though, what I can say that would be helpful. Do you want guidance, brainstorming, cheering up, just someone to listen?” A protocol could help you both.
I am not religious. How do I respond to people who say they are “praying for” me? I am always at a loss for words but usually respond by saying, “Thank you,” while feeling hypocritical.They’re giving you the gift of their concern and attention, for which thanking them is not the least bit hypocritical.You can specify what you’re thanking them for, if that helps: “Thank you for thinking of me”; “Thank you for your concern”; “Thank you for being here.
It gets complicated when context says a “gift” is more an act of thoughtlessness or even hostility — when, say, they mock your veganism then buy you Omaha Steaks. Then you go off the thank-you script, obviously, and deal with the problem head on. When in doubt, assume their best intentions. Presumably those praying for you haven’t just tried to badger you out of your beliefs? Even then, you can choose to make the remedy smaller than the transgression. “Thanks — can’t hurt to hedge my bets.”
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