Dear Care and Feeding: I wish we’d just done this when he was a baby.
When my son “Zack” was born, he had big ears, which we thought he’d soon grow into.
But by 3, it was clear that his ears were larger and more prominent than normal. His doctor told us that it was due to poor ear cartilage development, and wouldn’t be harmful, but when Zack turned 5, he could undergo a minimally invasive surgery to correct it, which would take less than a day and only needed 1-2 weeks to heal. My husband and I didn’t pursue it—we didn’t want to make him undergo surgery for aesthetics, no matter how small the risk.
But now Zack is about to graduate 5th grade, and he hates his ears. He can’t wear helmets without pain and has been teased for years. He was called Bugs Bunny or Dumbo regularly and had his ears pulled on by bullies. We have met with the school, switched his classes, taught him ways to stand up to bullies … but while his teacher shuts down teasing and his bullies met with the principal, Zack is terrified of being bullied again in middle school.
We will be moving to a new state over the summer, and I recently mentioned that since he had struggled so much in elementary school, Zack could potentially get ear surgery before middle school if he wanted. Zack was super excited—he immediately started asking how soon it could happen. But my husband wanted to think about it, and later told me that he’s against it.
I can’t subject my baby to three more years of bullying, embarrassment, and discomfort, but my husband only sees my push for surgery as me trying to change Zack to fit “cosmetic standards,” even though Zack has repeatedly asked for it too.In terms of the surgery itself, I fall more on your side. At Zack’s age, his opinion and what he wants for his body and physical appearance should carry considerable weight, though of course it also matters what you and your husband think.
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