Satire by Alexandra Petri: A ranking of 100 — yes, 100 — Christmas songs
80. “Christmas Time Is Here.” I feel strongly that the essence of Charlie Brown is premature existential despair and world weariness, and both this song and the holiday special give you an inaccurate idea of the Charlie Brown ratio of despair to maudlin moments of transcendence. Then again, there’s a sort of evocative melancholy in this song that’s making me regret placing it here, scores of slots below “Dominick the Donkey.” Eh, it’s probably fine.
74. “I Farted on Santa’s Lap .” I’m going to be honest with you. When I started this list, I had the idea that there were easily 100 identifiable Christmas songs that would quickly jump to mind, but that has not turned out to be the case, and it is really becoming obvious toward the middle of the list right here. Wow, I hate this song. And I love songs about farting!73. “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas.” Full disclosure, I have never actually heard this song, but I assume it72.
66. “What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?” I like this song for people who schedule things in advance but not65. “Bring a Torch, Jeannette, Isabella.” This song is fine. I always thought Jeannette Isabella was someone’s full name. Ordering people with long names to bring light while urgently shouting compliments is an aesthetic I can get behind!
61. “The Holly and the Ivy.” This is a fine song! Love to sing about the rising of the sun and the running of the deer.59. “Go, Tell It on the Mountain.” This is the best Christmas song that is also a novel by James Baldwin. 54. “We Need a Little Christmas.” This should be higher, but can we admit, now, that this is just “It Takes A Woman” from “Hello, Dolly!” with Christmas lyrics? “It Takes A Woman” is a great song, though.
50. “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” I have decided to make this song the midpoint of the list because the backlash has been so thorough that no joke-stones have been left unturned where it is concerned. It’s a gross song, but at least it rhymes, and it does not include any onomatopoetic bells. But, look,, or whatever stunningly recent year it was that we recognized that this song was very much not romantic. Thank you for your service, 2014.
40. “The Red Baron Song.” This places surprisingly high, given my feelings about the other Peanuts contributions. But I like it!38. “I'll Be Home for Christmas.” This used to be a lot more poignant before air travel was so widespread and cheap.37. “Someday at Christmas.” Sure! 32."What Christmas Means to Me.” Only Stevie Wonder could turn a list of Christmas-related search terms into a bop.
20. “Happy Xmas .” This song is Too Much, but it is Too Much in a way I like. I like the part at the end that is just children going, “AAAAAAAA! WAR IS OVER! AAAAAAAA!”But only the Patti “Where My Background Singers?” LaBelle version17. “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.” This song is a banger! Hate to be dismayed, love to be rested and merry!
Malaysia Latest News, Malaysia Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Christmas surprise: 100 Chicago families affected by gun violence receive $100 Walmart gift cardsChicago families who have lost a loved ones to gun violence were surprised with $100 gift cards to Walmart this Christmas Eve.
Read more »
Opinion: The intersection of oncology and a biblical Christmas storyIn the face of evil within our own genetic code, what relevance is a baby in a manger born more than 20 centuries ago?
Read more »
Opinion: We enjoy tamales on Christmas — along with each other’s companyThe group effort is what our family tradition is all about. And this tradition will continue for years to come.
Read more »
Panthers create NFC South chaos, put Christmas pressure on Tom Brady, Buccaneers | OpinionThe Carolina Panthers are hot in pursuit of the NFC South division title and the prize of hosting a home playoff game thanks to their throttling of the upstart Detroit Lions on Saturday, 37-23.
Read more »
Opinion | The wise men who helped me understand ChristmasThis holiday provides the best opportunity Christians have to make a case for themselves, for what they believe and for what their faith promises.
Read more »
Fitz's Opinion: Acting advice from a holiday ham on Christmas EveA typecast cartoonist remembers his old friend Ebenezer Scrooge
Read more »