Nation’s Mothers Announce Plans To Show You Their Spider Veins

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Nation’s Mothers Announce Plans To Show You Their Spider Veins
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WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that blood vessels were huge, hideous, and were ruining their legs, the nation’s mothers collectively announced plans Thursday to show you their spider veins. “My god, take a look at these big, disgusting things, they run all up and down—have you ever seen something more disgusting in your…

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that blood vessels were huge, hideous, and were ruining their legs, the nation’s mothers collectively announced plans Thursday to show you their spider veins.

“My god, take a look at these big, disgusting things, they run all up and down—have you ever seen something more disgusting in your life?” said Tanya Golding, who along with tens of millions of other mothers, simultaneously let out a long sigh, lifted the hems of dresses and skirts, pointed at the varicose vessels on their thighs, and asked what the hell they were supposed to do with that. “Oh come on, touch it! It won’t bite. Our legs used to be beautiful.

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