“If money is stressing you out, you should be contributing more,” she said. “It will be good for you both.”
Many years ago, when my first child was a tiny baby, I was sitting around my mother-in-law’s kitchen table having an honest discussion about how difficult this baby thing was. My mother-in-law is generally someone who is easy to talk to and empathetic.
I remember my stomach turning in that moment. Leaving my job was already such a fraught decision. I felt so vulnerable and scared about what it meant for me as a professional, and what it would mean for our bank account. My husband was supportive of the decision, but both of us felt unsure about the future and what our lives were going to look like going forward.
Just a few weeks ago — over a decade after these two incidents — my mother-in-law was visiting the new home my husband and I had just moved into. I was again stressed to the max, managing my children, the move, and all the work and decisions that went along with that. As I shared some of that angst with my mother-in-law, I realized that things had taken a turn.
I realize that when it comes to my mother-in-law, I can simply ignore what she says. And I do, to some extent. She’s allowed to have her opinions, and it’s my choice whether to take them to heart. At the same time, I’m realizing that I need to maintain major boundaries with her when it comes to divulging any spending habits.
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