Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
I have a dear friend who suffered a stroke as a teenager, which left her with weakness on one side of her body. She is now in her 40s and has a wonderful husband and a lovely daughter. She is an avid volunteer and artist.
I’m sure the woman meant no offense, but this embarrassed and upset my friend. She later told me that this has happened to her on several occasions, and she is never quite sure what to say to these people.Lately, Miss Manners finds herself having to caution people to consider another’s intent before overreacting.
To acknowledge the stranger’s benign intent, your friend could add “thank you” after she has reached a safe distance.: As I waited for the bus today, I approached the only other person at the stop and asked if he knew whether this bus usually runs late. I thanked him for his input and returned to the bench.Soon thereafter, he sat down and began talking. His insights were interesting, but he talked AT me, not to or with me.
Is there ever a polite way to say to someone, more or less, “You’re a lovely person, and I don’t want to hurt your feelings -- in fact, I’m telling you this because I think you’re inadvertently harming yourself socially. You’re an interesting person, but you hold forth rather than engage the other person in conversation”?
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