RIP Jerry Springer. In honor of his legacy, we're sharing a 1999 post titled 'Jerry-Rigged.' The author shares their experience on the show and answers the question: are the fights staged? | ✍️ Salem
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She scrambled one together, throwing out my name as her lesbian friend and Fernando as her red-hot Latino lover. She was confused. She needed to make a decision. “It’s kind of an emergency!” she squealed, leaving her number, hanging up.I came home sick from work to a bevy of messages from the notorious redhead. A self-employed general contractor, I enjoy a somewhat schizophrenic lifestyle as blue-collar rogue-meets-writer.
Our disbelief diminished to zero as a United employee handed us our tickets. Groggy, grungy, intemperate, we drank Bloody Marys. Katy prattled with a cellular phone rep seated next to her. Soon the entire plane knew we were headed for our 15 minutes of fame. Even the flight attendants got in on the story-angling. Laughter abounded.We never nailed down our story.In Santa Barbara, in Atlanta, and in a town in Tennessee, three other triangles won the Springer lottery too.
“I’ll kick his ass!” I shouted with glee, wondering how I’d fake my way through a rumble if it came down to it.And there he was. “So, Salem, what’s going on?” I gesticulated and huffed, bouncing across the puffy stage. I was returned to my seat, but I repeated the scenario, chasing Fernando backstage. A security man grabbed me. Round and round we went until another security man, pretending to handle me, leaned into my ear and whispered, “Let Fernando tell his story now.”I complied. We traded insults and Katy was shoved onstage. Brain-fogged by Vicodin she headed toward me for a gaping root-canal French kiss.
The Tennessee three, the two butch girls now bruised and scratched, were content. They informed me their story was true, but it had been a year since it happened and they’d already patched things up. One bragged about her domestic violence charges.
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