'I finally deposited the check and started putting it toward deposits for the venue and caterer. And shortly thereafter, my dad sat my mom down and said, 'I’ve been having an affair and I’m leaving you.''
) might be less concerned about the first problem, but that only exacerbates the second — parents often expect a bigger role in the wedding if they’re footing part of the bill. Is it worth the strife?
Last spring, when my fiancé and I started planning our wedding, my father became adamant about giving me a check for $40,000 to help pay for it. He sent it to me in the mail. I held onto it for a few weeks because I didn’t even want it. At the time, I didn’t fully realize how much weddings cost, and I was like, “There’s no way we’re going to use all of this. It’s too much.”
I’ve had pretty limited interaction with him since then. Whenever we do talk, he says things like, “What do you need for the wedding? Do you need more money?” He’s always been like that because I think, at the end of the day, that’s his currency. Paying for things is his way of expressing love. But it does feel transactional. He made this huge gift, so I feel as though I owe him something. And he has made it very clear that he really wants to walk me down the aisle.
Another thing that’s hard is that my mom and I have a really close relationship. And I feel guilty that my dad just wrote me this huge check, and she’s trying to figure out how she’s going to make her life work on her own. They are working on their divorce agreement, and my mom’s life is going to look very different now. My dad is a doctor and made significantly more money than my mom did in her nonprofit career.
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