'Mixing the dough reminds me of the moment I first fell in love—with cooking.'
I was 12 years old when my twin brother and I started living with our estranged father at a trailer park in Reno, Nevada. We’d met him just once before, when my mother drove us cross-country to give it another go with her first husband. After three grueling days on the road , she stepped out of her Buick to find the woman my father had left her for waving hello from his apartment’s balcony.Things were different this time around. It was just my brother and I; the new girlfriend was gone.
I had a limited skill set for kitchen work, so home-cooked meals consisted of eggs every which way: soft-boiled with toast, scrambled with hot dogs and tucked into a tortilla, and mixed into steaming cups of instant ramen where they transformed into pale yellow ribbons. “Oh, when that love comes down without devotion, well, it takes a strong man, baby, but I’m showin’ you the door. Because you shoulda boughtIf I didn’t get that album, my whole life would be derailed, I explained to my father with my hand outstretched for cash. He gave me a boozy smile. “Mija, money doesn’t grow on trees. Figure out what people want and sell it.”
Undeterred, I licked my fingers clean, grabbed the bowl, sat on the floor, and mixed up the mess with the fork. Miraculously, the gritty egg jam transformed into a caramel-colored dough. I remember feeling like I had just witnessed a top-secret magic trick. Of course, George dashed my dreams a few years later when he casually revealed in an interview that he was gay. Heartbroken, I listened to his hit single “Freedom” with fresh ears, unable to wrap my mind around having to find someone new to spend my life with.
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