One of the hardest parts about having kids was losing quality time with my spry and sensitive Jack Russell Terrier, Brooklyn.
under self-imposed bed rest, my husband was on full-time doggie duty. He took her out three or four times a day, wrestled with her on the floor, and kept her on her toes by hiding her treats in random places, like in a shoe or under a cushion, so she could hunt for them.
Caring for a dog came naturally to me. I took her everywhere. I brought her to the office newsroom when I was working solo on evenings and weekends, and to house parties and vacations abroad. I smuggled her into bars and restaurants in a chic dog carrier that l passed off as an oversized purse. She was my baby Brooklyn.
After the girls would go to bed for the night, I would make my way to the couch to cuddle with Brooklyn, spooning her in the fetal position, smelling the weirdly intoxicating scent of her warm paws and thinking as if she could read my mind how much more complicated things were after having kids. I felt like I was letting her down. Even when we were together, things had changed. I had changed too. We were both wistful about it.
At the emergency clinic, I wailed openly, crying the tears that wouldn’t come out for the past three years, jolting me out of my postpartum numbness, mourning the sweet soul I had spent nearly half my life with. She was my anchor through so much change and uncertainty, my tether between who I was before kids and who I became after. She gave me that first gift of feeling maternal love—and I felt her slipping away with each excruciating second.
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