Dear How to Do It: My husband has no idea what I’m doing. I think it’s better that way.
My partner “P” and I are in the process of opening our previously monogamous relationship. We’ve done the books, the podcasts, the zines, and we’ve both got experienced therapists. We have other non-monogamous friends we reach out to when things are challenging. We have been living together for two and a half years, were together for many years before that, and our communication is great.
However, the first time I had sex with someone, P was triggered. I thought the relationship might end, but we were able to repair it. That experience left me feeling very vulnerable, though, so when P had sex with someone, I was then triggered. After getting an STI after these encounters, we decided to close and reevaluate. It felt like we were falling into a bad cycle.We’re both feeling more secure and want to give it another go.
I hope that you keep evaluating. If nonmonogamy continues to trigger you, if it’s causing more fear than pleasure, and if it takes on the features of a process with little output to speak of, reconsider closing things back up. You could attempt an in-between arrangement, in which you only play together or set up stricter boundaries . I don’t know how much any of that will matter, though, if you aren’t right as a couple.
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