'I lost a decade of my life, not just to one arrogant man, but to all of the doctors that hand-waved my symptoms away, each convinced that they knew my body and brain better than I did. Their apathy and egotism almost killed me.'
for me around that same time, which provided mild relief, but it wasn’t quite enough to make a noticeable difference in my behavior or emotions. Crucially, however, we didn’t actually knowit was working. What was being treated? What was the underlying issue? My family, my doctors, my therapists, and even myself, all believed it was simply difficult, treatment-resistant depression — but, of course, it wasn’t.
Suffice it to say, my world was rocked. Was this the answer I had been looking for? Well, it turned out only partially.Mood stabilizers seemed to smooth out a little bit of the emotional turbulence, but it still wasn’t enough. The lithium made me hypomanic and I put on 60 pounds. The lamotrigine by itself was hardly effective. With every new medication I tried, I felt like I was cycling through the keys on a keyring. Each key I triedlike the right one, but none of them turned the lock.
The dead ends just kept coming. I was vacillating in and out of a suicidal state, depressed, then hopeful, and then hypomanic, but always misdiagnosed. Finally, eight years after that psychiatrist hand-waved away my thoughts on ADHD, I pushed for testing once again — and I really had to push, even with my current doctor. Being tested was a nerve-wracking experience, full of doubts and fears that I might just be chasing another fruitless treatment or wrong answer.
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