How I learned to nurture relationships in academia—and be more kind

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How I learned to nurture relationships in academia—and be more kind
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Earlier in his career, this professor “was too wrapped up in judgment, competition, and overwork”

I was a junior professor, stressed and working myself to exhaustion yet still feeling inadequate both at work and at home. So, when three students from my introductory programming course came to my office at the end of the semester with concerns about their grades, I didn’t feel I had time to deal with their complaints. I felt they simply hadn’t learned the material, and I told them to leave my office.

The turning point came a few years later during a conversation with a good friend who works outside academia. When I told them about my struggles with overwork and inadequacy, they asked, “Does the fact that you can do better mean that you are not doing a good job?” That prompt helped me see that, apart from the occasional misstep, I was doing well at my job and that my children were growing up in a loving home. I realized that what needed to change was not my work, but my mindset.

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