A polyamorous lifestyle is undoubtedly ill-suited to our germophobic moment. Here’s how a “sex-positive intentional community” navigates lockdown: “I love poly people, but we are just overcommunicators sometimes”
Illustration: By Stevie Remsberg These are dark days for Lotharios. Bars are closed, dating is on pause, and face masks are rarely comely. Dan Savage, a nationally syndicated sex columnist who has long touted the virtues of open relationships, recently told listeners to keep their sexual adventures online, in their head, or with someone in their house. “We are all monogamists now,” he said, sounding pained.
Taking on many lovers demands quite a lot of talking, at least among those who hope to avoid both hurt feelings and sexually transmitted infections. Play, for example, has had hundreds of lovers over the years , but he always wears a condom unless he is with his fiancée. She, in turn, has unprotected sex with only one other person, her other fiancé, who wears a condom with everyone else.
At issue was the fact that many of the tenants had interpreted a trial “lockdown” differently. Some thought it was still okay to venture out occasionally to see other people. Others left the house only when absolutely necessary, and always wore masks and gloves when they did. This “misunderstanding” was particularly irksome to those who embraced the stricter standards, many of whom argued they should be behaving as if they are all carriers of the disease.
House Lion, Lady M’s husband and “human pet,” tried to appeal to the others by bringing the conversation back to more familiar issues of consent. “I need to understand everyone’s risk-tolerance profile so I can decide if I feel comfortable sitting and eating dinner with you,” he said. But his request to know just how often other people planned to leave the house was swiftly shot down by a resident named Om as “completely unrealistic.
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