DearPrudie: I am irritated that my husband can’t be bothered to say something. Help!
I am irritated that my husband can’t be bothered to say something to his friend simply because he fears conflict when he has admitted to me that he feels it’s inappropriate. Do you think my husband ignoring him is sufficient in shutting creepy Alan down, or do you think he should tell him to stop, or even report him to the school’s administration? None of the comments go past remarking on the lack of clothes on female students and how it’s hard to handle.
Your husband and this group may go back a while, but he’s got to ask himself what kind of pot he’s trying to keep unstirred, as it were. Is a group chat where teenage girls are being talked about so inappropriately a place where he wants to be? And is a group of men who are unwilling or unable to call in a friend the type of people he wants to keep up with? This is all stuff your husband needs to work out.
I think he should tell Alan to stop—he can call him out, making it clear that what he’s doing is inappropriate and unwelcome, or he can call him in, having a one-on-one conversation with Alan. Personally, I think this should happen in the group chat. It doesn’t need to be big or messy, but by saying nothing, the group has tacitly agreed to an agreement that this kind of thing is OK.My husband and I, newly married, recently moved to the same town in which his bachelor brother lives.
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