With Robert Downey Jr returning to Marvel movies as Doctor Doom, we take a look at some Doom and Iron Man stories it might draw inspiration from.
Caregiver Glenn Poh and his mother Tan Sow Meng walking from the active ageing centre to AMK Hub. - Photo: ST
“Whatever needs to be done needs to be done. It’s because I was raised like this,” he says. Having seen how his mother cared for his late father after a stroke, he knew he wanted to do the same for her. In a population of 5.92 million, 1.36 million people have mothers above the age of 50. While the number of only children is just a fraction of that total, researchers and social workers warn that unlike in larger families where the caregiving load can be spread out, only children face immense stress. Among other health challenges, they are more likely to experience burnout.
“So it’s not a good feeling. Because you did something wrong, but you’re not able to make up for it.” “I got even more stressed and kept pushing to do more to regain strength and mobility. It was only when my mother said I should let her recover at her own pace that I realised I was imposing my own thoughts and timelines on her,” she says.
Although her employer, a multinational energy company, was accommodating and offered her flexible work arrangements, work took a back seat. It had become difficult to concentrate on her job when she was constantly worrying about what was happening at home. While this may be even more heightened for only children, there has not been much research into the issue, because of their small numbers, says Dr Jeremy Lim-Soh from the Centre for Ageing Research and Education at Duke-NUS Medical School.
“This problem could be compounded if they do not have siblings who can at least lend financial support even if they are unable to physically help with caregiving.” In January 2021, his then 86-year-old father was admitted to the intensive care unit after a serious bout of pneumonia. His mother, unable to find her way home, was later diagnosed with dementia.
Earlier this year, his father, Khalid Goh Abdullah, had a violent outburst during a regular appointment at Changi General Hospital, yelling at nurses, doctors and even security. As they were leaving the clinic, his mother suffered a fall and had to be hospitalised.“That’s when the medical staff asked if my father had dementia,” Heron recalls.
Several carabiners hang on the shoulder straps. For food or groceries, he says, so his hands are free to hold Tan or catch her if she trips. The adjunct trainer who cares for a 91-year-old mother with advanced dementia, says: “Single children like Glenn have a lot to carry, especially since he’s still very young and a man trying to care for his mother, so we try to help wherever we can, be it simple tips on how to handle situations, or what to expect when the disease progresses.
His father, Teo Chin Hye, 86, has several chronic illnesses, a fractured hip, and breast cancer. His mother, Eng Ah Nio, 85, has dementia and has to use a wheelchair to get around. He was told about his mother’s dementia diagnosis over the phone, while he was standing outside Ang Mo Kio Polyclinic. “Further attention is needed on family caregivers’ own physical and mental health, given that the prevalence of depressive symptoms among them is much higher than the national average,” the researchers wrote in their concluding remarks.
“I was initially sceptical about how much it’d help, but after a few weeks, I learnt not to react to things my mother was saying or doing. “Whenever I see in these chat groups that people are organising meetups, or answering each other’s requests for help, it makes me very happy because I know my job here is done,” he says.In 2011, Singapore introduced its national advance care planning programme so individuals can set down their healthcare wishes before they lose their mental capacity to do so.
It also prompted conversations between her and Tong about what the older woman wanted if things took a turn. A former canteen operator, Tong said she would leave things in the hands of her “more educated” daughter.“But of course if it’s something serious, then we’ll have to decide what is the best care possible for her in that situation.”
Only Child Caring Mother Father Sick
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