For successful communication in ADHD couples, WHEN you talk matters as much as WHAT you say.
This is true in all couples, but particularly true for spouses with ADHD, whose capacity to listen and process information can vary, depending on circumstances. You could have the best intentions for clear communication, but if it’s not timed right, the spouse with ADHD may never get the message. It’s like sending mail that never gets opened.
For weeks, we had worked on helping Bill take on more domestic chores. Despite his best intentions, he failed to do the things she asked him to. Most of the timeand wrote it off to bad working memory. What he did remember hearing, he heard it incorrectly. No matter how well intentioned both spouses were, these conversations were doomed to fail. They tried to exchange important information when Bill’s executive functioning was at its lowest. Other than early in the morning and late at night, the only time he and his wife had quiet time alone were during the occasional date – something they desperately needed.
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