'It's hard to let go of the shoulds in grief, which is a strange, amorphous state. There is no instruction manual, no map, no clear path,' writes SophiaDembling
I’ve always been an independent type, and both Tom and I maintained a great deal of autonomy within our. Still, although I often said that my marriage of nearly thirty years was my greatest accomplishment, I was unprepared for how utterly at sea I feel now that the marriage is, in earthly terms, over.
But now we have fulfilled our vows. We were together until death did us part. My marriage is now a discrete whole with a beginning, a middle, and an end. The job is done. The marriage is complete.Grief expert David Kessler says that the goal for grievers is “grieving fully and living fully.” I have the first part down, but the second is still shrouded in a fog of uncertainty.
And yet there is a kind of aimlessness to everything I do. When people ask how I am, I say, “I’m just blah-ing along.” It’s how I feel when I’m not actively grieving, which still entails daily tears. Just… blah. Not sure why I’m doing what I’m doing or what I want to do now with, as poetliving, but I don’t feel like I’m fully living either. I don’t even know what that would look like.
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