DAYTON, OH—Every single person, historical figure, and anthropomorphic talking object inhabitting Brian Jensen's dream Friday night was suddenly struck by the unusually strong smell of smoke, subconscious sources reported.
Jensen, a 32-year-old cable installation technician who had fallen asleep several hours earlier, was reportedly in the middle of a conversation with his former high school biology teacher, Mr. Campbell, at the time of the unexpected disturbance.
Over the next several minutes, Jensen reportedly wandered through the shifting dreamscape, meeting distant cousins, beloved family pets, and automotive pioneer Henry Ford, all of whom appeared visibly concerned with the increasing heat and acridity. "Not since the war have I seen smoke like this," said the German, who sources claimed then slowly melted away to reveal Jensen's former Pizza Hut coworker Craig Weiss. "Dude, it's so fucking hot in here. I'm sweating my balls off.""Jesus Christ, Brian," the fast-food employee continued. "Did you let another pizza burn or something?"
"I can't breathe, I can't breathe," shouted folk hero Davy Crockett. "We need to get rid of some of this smoke."A motion to immediately open a window to let in some fresh air was approved by a majority of those voting in the dream, among them a group of injured boy scouts, sports commentator Marv Albert, Smokey the Bear, and a locked bedroom window.
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