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Do you suffer from shame? Or a constant sense of anxiety about how people perceive you? Or maybe a complete and utter sense of unworthiness no matter how well you do in life? And you wonder if something is wrong with you since you have been struggling with this feeling for as long as you can remember. You’re never truly satisfied or happy and deep down, you wonder what it would be like to be contented with life. If I just described you, or someone you know or love, take courage.
Truth be told, this writer had no clue toxic shame was a mental condition and I have a degree in Psychology. It was through a webinar by the Archdiocesan Mental Health Ministry, Archdiocese of Kuala Lumpur that I became aware of it. The webinar was by Gerard Koe, a senior family counsellor with 22 years of experience under his belt, specialised in counselling on various addictions.
Also, as I came of age, I began observing my environment and the people in it, how they react, handle situations, and come to conclusions. As a millennial , I was raised by parents and grandparents who were born between the 1920s to the 1960s. I believe I can speak for most millennials and safely say that gentle parenting was certainly not an option. We got our behinds whopped and were yelled at whenever our elders were upset with us. Our feelings were secondary.
Then, some are constantly doubting people, are oversensitive to people’s remarks, are secretive, needy, have a high need to control people and situations, allow themselves to be dominated/exploited/taken advantage of, are excessively self-centred, have excessive emotional reactions, possess a distinct lack or overt sense of entitlement, and have the need to cover one’s poor sense of worth with a cloak of extreme ideology in politics and/or religion, and suffer from imposter syndrome.
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