Some advice for a letter-writer who finds lying to be “an excellent and effective way to get what I️ need and keep from hurting or angering my wife.”
Dear Pepper is a monthly advice-column comic by Liana Finck. If you have questions for Pepper about how to act in difficult situations, please direct them to [email protected]. Questions may be edited for brevity and clarity.I’m not someone who finds it easy to lie. I often go to social things I’d rather skip because I️ can’t bring myself to make a nice white lie of an excuse, and I’ve often put my foot in my mouth by speaking too honestly about money and things.
Note that I make an effort to see her friends every month or two because I know it’s important to my wife. I don’t want to see them more than that because I don’t like them—a tricky thing I’d rather not tell my wife. I’ve done it—lied—several times now. I️ find lying to be an excellent and effective way to get what I️ need and keep from hurting or angering my wife. Knowing her, I think it’s unlikely that she will ever catch on to my lies or care much if she does.
You seem to have decent values and a fair amount of empathy and self-awareness. You aren’t asking for the moon. So to the first question: no, I️ don’t think you’ll ruin your relationship. Your wife might find out about the lies. Maybe she’ll be hurt. Maybe you’ll have a tough conversation, hopefully one that helps you understand each other well enough that the lying can begin to stop.
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