What’s the best way to tell one parent you want to live with the other?
I have a very mature, wonderful stepdaughter who is about to enter high school. About six months ago she decided she wants to live with her father and me . My husband and I have a decent relationship with her mother, though she is very temperamental and manipulative; as such, my stepdaughter is terrified of telling her. We have discussed many scenarios of how she could broach this subject with her mother.
That said, I am inclined to agree that a one-on-one between mother and child would be the best place to start, followed by conversations between your husband and his ex and, eventually, between the three of you and/or one-on-one between you and her.
If you all live in close enough proximity to undertake a 50/50 arrangement, you may wish to explore that first. It may be difficult to convince your stepdaughter’s mother to adjust from being the primary custodian to a weekends/holidays schedule , and it may also be a challenging adjustment on your end as well, even if you all are enthusiastic about the switch.
Otherwise , your husband and his daughter have every right to request this switch, and if you all decide that this is the best arrangement, your responsibility is to be supportive and encouraging, while being mindful that you can’t step in and fix this for them either. Help your stepdaughter craft language that honors her relationship with her mother, while explaining why the change is ideal for her.
Help! How can I support Slate so I can keep reading all the advice from Dear Prudence, Care and Feeding, Ask a Teacher, and How to Do It?My husband and I are officially adopting a 3-month-old baby girl in two weeks, and we’re very excited. She is Black, and my husband and I are white. We’re taking great care to prepare for this new chapter in our lives, including reading books that have been recommended here in the past. Right now, our little girl’s name is Kaia.
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