Dear Abby advises a woman who is concerned about her daughter’s boyfriend and weighs in on a matter of wedding etiquette.
My 23-year-old daughter and her first and only boyfriend have begun to talk marriage. Although I think he’s a wonderful, smart, compassionate young man who seems to adore my daughter, I have one major concern: his unhealthy habits.
When my daughter introduced him to us seven years ago, he was a little overweight. Since then, I’ve watched him pack on at least 25 pounds a year, and he’s now morbidly obese. His diet is horrible, and he never exercises. He also drinks and smokes, although not excessively. My daughter, on the other hand, is petite, athletic and clean-living. Her habits haven’t rubbed off on him. I know enough about weight gain and health to be deeply concerned about the trend I’m seeing.
What’s making me even more upset is my blindly-in-love, naive daughter seems to have lost interest in pursuing a career of her own and is thinking this guy is going to take care of her. She has no clue that her boyfriend’s the one who’s likely to need taking care of before long, and she’s going to find it mighty difficult to both work and care for a man who towers over her and weighs nearly four times what she does.
So far, I haven’t said anything about this. I’m happy my daughter has found someone who’s kind, funny and loving, and whose family is so welcoming to her. I don’t want her to lose this guy; I just want them to get on a better track. I think they both need a reality check. Should I say something, or is it not my place? —Talk to your daughter about your concerns, all of which are valid. Your daughter shouldput her career on the back burner because, as you have pointed out, she may need it.
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