Daily News | Dear Abby | Man’s history as abuse victim impacts marriage
I know being sexually abused causes all kinds of trauma. He insists he’s over it, but his actions tell me otherwise. I’m pretty sure I’m not his first unsatisfied partner because all his other relationships have ended because they were “crazy, stupid, fat, unfaithful …” I don’t want to give up on him. Please help.Talking to your husband must be like talking to a wall. Solid marriages are built on trust and good communication, and your husband seems capable of neither. I admire your perseverance.
A licensed sex therapist might be able to help your husband see that you are not lying to him when you tell him that what pleases one woman might not please another. If you can’t make him understand what makes you “tick,” then cross your fingers and hope the therapist can get the message across.My 40-year-old nephew, “Randy,” hasn’t spoken with his sister, “Elyse,” in five years because of a disagreement about the resolution of their father’s trust.
Elyse and her husband later announced they were adopting a baby. Randy visited me alone six months later, and I suggested, without success, that he put this aside until after the adoption. During the adoption, she became pregnant and had a second child. Randy still hasn’t seen or talked with her or his niece and nephew. Our relationship has deteriorated since.
Randy and Elyse tried a mediator last year, again without success. He has dodged any further discussion about the situation. I’m at a loss. We were all so close, and I miss him, but I can’t accept his actions anymore. Any suggestions?In some families, blood is thicker than water. Your nephew appears to feel that money is thicker than blood. As much as you might wish to do it, you can’t change him.
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